Date Published:
Publisher: Hypnosis Motivation Institute
The Law of Detachment
Have you ever noticed that when you’re trying to remember something, a name, a phone number, an actor or actress in a film, that the harder you try, the more difficult it seems or becomes?
Have you ever noticed that when you give up, stop trying to remember, or just let it go, that it (the info) just “pops into your head”?
This experience is one of the most common, everyday examples, of how the Law of Detachment works. Think of this as a law of how life works, and a law of how we work as human beings, without any conscious effort.
Another example of how the Law of Detachment works is to examine your own life history and experience. If you listed an inventory of when really good things happened to you (met someone very special, got a really good job, came into some money) you may become aware that they happened when you least expected them to happen.
In his book, “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,” Deepak Chopra explains this law thusly: “In order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it.” In other words, you give up your attachment to the result.
A simple formula for practicing detachment is “pay attention to the details, let go of the outcome.” This means that you do the activities that will help you realize your goal, and then let go of attachment to the outcome of that goal. By letting go of attachment to the outcome, you actually make the realization of the goal more likely. One way of practicing detachment is to tell yourself “I want this to happen, but if it doesn’t happen, it may be for a good reason.” This is one way of letting go of the coveted outcome.
Another method of practicing detachment is to let go of, or replace, worrying. As Eckhart Tolle (in his book, “The Power of Now”) reminds us: “Worrying is the projection of negative outcomes into the future, but has no basis in fact or reality.” In other words, worrying is futile, creates anxiety, and is a waste of time and emotional energy.
How can we combat worrying? By being very consciously aware in the present moment (e.g., looking at the time on your watch or phone) and telling yourself “I refuse to worry about this in this moment, I’ll concentrate on solutions, not on the problem.”
The opposite of detachment is attachment. Attachment happens when we try to control too much, when we force things to happen, when we manipulate (negatively), cajole, criticize or create drama. All these activities really work against or prevent the goal we really want from happening. People attach because of fear and insecurity (negative emotions). Attachment is worrying, of falling into the “what if” pit. We can drive ourselves crazy when we think “What if this? … What if that?”
Consider this: the more we attach or let the negative emotions dominate, the less happy we appear to others. Appearing not so happy is certainly not attractive.
Dating with detachment means actively applying the Law of Detachment to the dating situation. One method is to let go of expectations in every step of the dating process. How? Before going to an online dating site or a social function, tell yourself “I release all expectations,” and continue to tell yourself to “let go; if something is supposed to happen, it will happen.”
Detaching means telling yourself after an enjoyable date to avoid projecting into the future how subsequent dates might go because projecting your hopes and expectations is actually worrying (attaching) about the future, and we know how futile it is to worry.
Detaching is when you tell yourself “Even though I seem to really like this person, we’ve only had a few dates and we don’t really know each other yet.”
Detaching is telling yourself after one date, “They seemed pretty nice, and I hope they’ll call (like they said), but if they don’t, it’s probably for the best.”
Detaching is recognizing that there is very little that is perfect in life. There is no perfect person, no perfect relationship, job, house or city. Letting go of the pursuit of perfection is practicing detachment, especially when dating.
The real payoffs of practicing the Law of Detachment are less anxiety, less worrying, less disappointment. Ultimately, the biggest payoff is better health and well-being, since the more anxiety (or stress) we experience the more our immune system is affected. In dating, the payoff of practicing detachment is that you will be happier in general, and happy people attract happy people.
The most effective and efficient method for practicing the techniques of detachment is hypnotherapy. The hypnotherapist can customize detaching to the specific situation of the client. Once the detachment strategy is in place, the hypnotherapist then helps the client use the power of the client’s subconscious mind to create the new detachment behavior, replacing the old, less functional, attachment behavior. The client then experiences less worrying, stress, and anxiety.